


Anchor

by celestial_light



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Jim deals with insecurity, M/M, and commitment but not for the reasons you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestial_light/pseuds/celestial_light
Summary: When Jim's own fear of ruining his relationship with Bones comes to light, he attempts to sabotage what they have together. Only, he never counted on Bones being so persistent.





	Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first McKirk fics, so tell me how you felt about it! I'm my own beta so be weary of mistakes! Talk to me on [tumblr](https://myinkandtrees.tumblr.com/)! I was so close to naming this after Sia's song, My Love, but decided against it. But I listened to it while I was writing :)

“I’m sorry Bones,” Jim states plainly, as he pushes gently against the Doctor’s chest, efficiently terminating their long, anticipated kiss, “But...we can’t do this.”

 The doctor’s face falls immediately, and Jim feels as if someone’s twisted a knife deep  into his gut. He can sense Bones’ pain as if it his own, and in a sense, it _is._ They both waited for this, both wanted this more than anything. And here Jim was destroying it.  

  
“Jim,” Bones breathes, barely above a whisper, “please, don’t do this.”

“Bones, you know this won’t work out,” Kirk defends, “Not with us.”

“Where the hell is this even coming from Jim? You haven’t seemed to have problems with us until now.”

“Not problems you could see.” Jim counters codly.

At that, it is as if Bones’ heart drops to his stomach. Jocelyn had said the same thing, had claimed he was so oblivious to the problems in their relationship, that they grown apart without him even realizing.   
  
I introduced you to my family, Jim,” hopelessly, Bones reminds the younger man, while his eye widen in horror, “I introduced you to _Joanna._ ”

“I know Bones,” Jim acknowledges, sincerely, “And I’m sorry I got in so deep. I really am. But this...it’s not gonna work out between us. It’s best that we stop now..”

His apathy and casual disregard for their failed relationship rivals that of even Jocelyn's. He pushes away from Bones with a downward gaze, averting the doctor’s eyes as much as possible(though Bones swears he sees a glimmer under his lashes).  His fingers lingered on the man’s chest for no more than a minute, and slowly, he dragged them away.

“It just wasn’t gonna work out between us,” repeated the Captain, more to himself than anyone.

Despite himself, and his utter despair, Bones’ ear perk up at his Captain’s tone. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Jim sounded detached, robotic even.

But apathetic? Casual? Not at all.

“Jim,” Bones began, hoarsely, as the Captain turns to leave, “Jim don’t go.”

It wasn’t as if Bones gave him the option of leaving either, as he’d snaked his fingers around his wrist before he got to the exit.

“Bones.” The Captain's voice is cautious.

His  body tensed as the doctor grabbed him, and he jerked his wrist in order to free himself. But he was _no_ match for Bones’, not when the older man had  spent half a lifetime in the medical field.

Half his career was built off of restraining rowdy patients, some bigger than Kirk.

“Let go.” The captain warned, “I need to go to the Bridge.”

“Not until you look at me.” Bones had found his ground, the shakiness all but gone in his voice. He approached the situation like a doctor approaching a theory, and was determined to prove a point if necessary. Prove a point of it meant Kirk staying with him.

 “I don’t have time for this, _Doctor._ ” the venom in his voice stung, but Bones only squeezed harder.

 “Then look at me,” Bones retorts desperately, “Dammit Jim, _look_ at me.”

The captain doesn’t have to, though. His tears hit the floor before he gets the chance to, and his body trembles with sobs.

Bones lets Jim tear his hand out of his grasp, and watches in dismay as the captain covers his face.

“Jim,” Bones begins, “Jim...what’s wrong?”

 “You deserve better than me,” manages the younger man through sobs, “when you showed me your family, when you showed me Joanna, all I could think of is how badly I’d fuck it all up. How I’d somehow manage to hurt you, or them, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

_So that was it? There wasn’t anything wrong with them. There was something wrong with Jim._ Honestly, he should have figured.

“Jim, why do you think that?” Bones asks gently, as he guides the younger man to the bed, “You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

“I don’t know,” he shrugs underneath Bones’ embrace, “I’ve fucked up everything i’ve ever touched. Even the Enterprise. I’m just surprised I haven’t fucked up what we have, and I’m so afraid that when I’ll do, I’ll lose you for good.”

“Jim, I love you too much  to let you go,” the doctor rubs smooth circles in Jim’s back, steadily coaxing  his breathing rate back to normal, “and you don’t fuck things up. You’ve made big mistakes, but we all make mistakes. And you always fix them, Jim. You try your best to right your wrongs. And you’re always the one to bear it all alone, Jim.”

The captain sniffled just slightly, slacking into Bone’s embrace.

He was silent for a moment, as his heavy sobs died, and his breathing returned to normal.

“Thank you for that, Bones,” he murmurs, “for everything actually.”

“Don’t mention it, Jim,” Bones responded, as he rested his chin atop of Jim’s head.

“Bones,” Jim began again, hesitantly.

“Hmm.”

“Can I--can you kiss me again?”

There was a deep rumble that emitted from Bones’ chest, and Jim couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face.

“Of course, Jim.”

**Author's Note:**

> Again, please comment! Please leave a kudos! It means a lot to me! Essentially I think Jim deals with a lot of insecurity when it comes to being committed. Not because he's unfaithful, or anything like that, but because he's afraid he'll mess it up.


End file.
